Racism. It’s a Thing.
BySo far, I’ve stayed out of the discussion on IG about racism and inclusion in the knitting world. I’ve never made a secret of the fact that I’m brown in my posts, or that my family is multi cultural. I grew up in the diverse city of Toronto, and felt that I hadn’t really experienced racism in any meaningful sense.
I also personally didn’t connect with a lot of the rhetoric, which didn’t seem conducive to positive change, and in some cases felt tantamount to bullying. I’m all for education, not shaming. I’m all for that which unites us, and against that which divides. I wasn’t personally a fan of having folks who were obviously well-intentioned with their hearts in the right place feeling super guilty all of a sudden for the circumstances of their birth. Historically, I’ve had way more trouble being a woman than I have being brown, and I feel strongly that us ladies need to stick together.
Then, at Stitches West, I overheard this conversation in the washroom (from a stall, they couldn’t see me). It was two vendors discussing the show, totally normal, and then one vendor said: “I didn’t make as much money as usual. I think it’s because it’s a very ethnic group this year and it’s full of trash who aren’t spending any money”.
I came out of the stall, and we immediately all looked at the floor. So, before you ask, I don’t know who they were or what companies they represent. I scrubbed my hands, face burning, and ran out of there.
I don’t know what made me feel worse, that I internalized the humiliation, even though the comment wasn’t intended for my ears, or directed at me, or that I immediately began gaslighting myself on their behalf. “Did I really hear that?”, “Maybe they meant something else?”.
Then I thought a little harder about my own past; I remembered that I initially took up Karate, 25 years ago, because my family was targeted in a racially motivated hate crime at Scarborough bluffs. That was a Big Obvious Thing, where anyone would get it. But there were also small insidious things, and they’re harder to get. I realized that downplaying hurtful things is a trend.
Every time someone asked me “where are you from really, after repeatedly being told that I was born and bred in Toronto. Every time someone joked that I was “practically white” and meant it as a compliment. That time I made small talk about the weather at a baseball game and was told “we don’t get cold, we’re Canadians”, as though somehow I wasn’t (effectively divesting me of the only country I have). Every time a friend has said something racist and then exclaimed “I don’t mean you! You’re different!”. Every time someone was surprised that I didn’t have an accent, or that I turned out to be brown in person after only talking on the phone. When Saks Fifth Avenue opened in Toronto I went looking for a dress for a wedding. A staff member politely told me “the Bay is that way”, assuming I was lost. The list goes on.
So now I think, I need to say something on behalf of both myself and others. And you know what? I don’t even know what that something is. Maybe it’s as simple as “Hey, this happened, and I can’t pretend that it didn’t”, or “Hey, the problem is real”. Part of me also wants to say “If you’re reading this, I sold plenty to BIPOC shoppers, so maybe you just suck.”, (It’s petty, I know).
Worth noting: the incident was reported to the organizers and they had a funny feeling they knew who the vendor was. That kinda tells me they have done this before, or have a reputation for being racist, but seem to be getting away with it, which is the point I’m trying to make. {EDIT – It was not my intention to imply that the organizers were complicit in any way, they were in fact horrified, and issued a general message to all vendors, which I have shared below}. And no, it wasn’t reported by me because I was still feeling awkward and humiliated about outing them. That tells me something else, about the tendency to internalize hate and redirect it to ourselves. So when people trying to instigate change come off as excessively forceful, perhaps we should have a little empathy towards them before we judge.
Having said that, this is worth a read:
https://medium.com/s/digital-trauma/how-woke-became-a-weapon-304f265282df
“Plenty of activists argue that shaming those who err while striving to help build a resistance is a counterintuitive practice. “To organize such a movement necessarily means that it will involve the previously uninitiated — those who are new to activism and organizing,” writes Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor, a Black female activist and author of From #BlackLivesMatter to Black Liberation, in a piece reflecting on critiques of the history-making Women’s March. “We have to welcome those people and stop the arrogant and moralistic chastising of anyone who is not as ‘woke’… [movements] are built by actual people, with all their political questions, weaknesses, and strengths.””
Another great quote:
Patrisse Cullors, a queer Black woman and co-founder of the Black Lives Matter movement, spoke about the downfalls of woke shaming in an interview with Complex last year. “Woke shaming is really unfortunate,” Cullors said. “If we are trying to build a movement to save all of us, we need to be able to invoke faith in people who are new, who are learning, and who are willing to grow. There is a difference between people who are bigots and people who are trying to figure out their way in this. We should have patience.”
Regarding how we can do better, maybe it doesn’t need to be Big Obvious Things. It can be little helpful things. When my dad worked as a factory manager he would stand by the punch clock in the morning and learned to greet everyone in their own language. Something I’ve always respected him for. Something to model myself after.
“Treat everyone with politeness and kindness, not because they are nice, but because you are.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
S.
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on Thursday February 28th, the organizational committee of Stitches West issued the message below:
Dear Exhibitors!Yesterday Shireen from The Blue Brick Dyeworks posted online about a very disturbing incident that happened at STITCHES West.
Sometime during the event, Shireen overheard this conversation in the washroom (from a stall). It was two vendors discussing the show – and one vendor said: “I didn’t make as much money as usual. I think it’s because it’s a very ethnic group this year and it’s full of trash who aren’t spending any money.”
We condemn, unequivocally, their rhetoric and their overt racism.
I think it’s important that we don’t shy away from this. So if you want to read the full account, here is the link…
https://thebluebrick.ca/2019/02/27/racism-its-a-thing/
We have reached out and apologized to Shireen.
We don’t know who these vendors are. And, in case anyone is unsure about where we stand on this, we want to be very clear about our policy on this issue… if we ever see or hear of this kind of racism at our shows from any exhibitor, we will remove them and their company from the market floor and our event, then openly tell the world why.
Thank you for you time and attention.
Benjamin Levisay
CEO
XRX, Inc – STITCHES Events, XRX Books, & stitchips
Well stated. Too often we judge others by their skin tone, accent, clothing without even knowing who they are. God said, “Love one another, even as I have loved you.” It breaks my heart to hear of bullying, etc. and to base ones sells on those who have come to an event such as you were at just because of their looks or what is perceived lack of money is wrong of us. Some of the wealthiest people dress in rags. I do hope you had a successful, enjoyable weekend despite this issue.
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Amen, racism exists because we let it live on in comments and actions without becoming part of the solution. I love Canada because we’re so multicultural! I do believe we try to be colour blind and judge everyone on their merits and let kindness be our guide. I love Blue Brick for its artistic qualities, that’s it, go girl, you’re fabulous!
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I don’t think bring colour-blind is what we should strive for at all. I think this attitude is one of white privilege: only whites can imagine colour doesn’t matter because it hasn’t been in our faces day in and day out – so much that (as written here) it becomes normal, accepted, or internalized by BIPOC. Canada is multicultural, and that means we strive to celebrate diversity, not imagine it doesn’t exist. We aren’t doing such a great job, and I am grateful for people speaking out.
My brothers are black (adopted), and so much of what is talked about in this post happens to them. My one brother can endlessly rage at the people who ask him, “Where are you from… Yeah, but where are you REALLY from.” Questioning one’s Canadian-ness does not demonstrate a multicultural attitude, nor is it colour-blind. We are doing neither.
The truly hateful comments I have seen just this past week in reference to the Syrian refugees who lost their seven children indicate that Canadians are far from kind. They are the epitome of cruel and disgusting. We like to think we as a group are better than that, but the truth is that we have a long way to go, and white people need to engage in some very difficult internal work to be good allies.
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I am appalled at what you experienced in the knitting world. A place where knitters should feel safe and celebrate creativity (which knows no color or gender). we all need to fight a good fight and speak up when appropriate, to NOT agree when we hear biased comments. A heartfelt hug coming your way! (From an oldish white girl)
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Well said! So sorry you had to deal with that nastiness. I think you are amazing and such a beautiful person inside and out. I wish I was as talented as you. I want to say ignore those people and their ugliness but then that is not stopping the problem. Their words are not acceptable and I hope as a consequence they do not get invited back to Stitches next year. I really loved meeting you and I am sending you a big hug.
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Oh, thank you. Thank you so much for that closing image of your dad. That’s how we do it. We greet each other by name (pronouncing names correctly), we learn greetings in other languages. I can’t say a lot more than “hello” in Arabic, but I can greet my students from Syria with that. I’ve learned to introduce myself in Anishnaabemowin, and am teaching my students to do the same. We have to see one another …. I’m all teared up here. Thank you.
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I only wish I had the words to heal. As a person born with white skin I try to recognize the undeserved privilege that brings me in my interactions. I need to listen to each person next to me and hear their experience. Al of us have so much to learn to bring Peace and Healing. I am sorry for each time I did not hear. I will listen and I will speak up for anyone who may be different in anyway
May Peace Prevail on Earth!
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Hi Shireen,
You are an awesome artist with passion galore; anyone who has meet you see this.
From my perspective there is no room for racism and I’m sorry that you had to hear these comments; I have to believe that Canadians in general judge people on merit and work and passion, along with kindness and respect; not on their colour or believes.
Please stay the wonderful, carefree, passionate person you are.
Debbie
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I’ve said nothing on this subject but that last quote us key. Namaste ✨🙏🏻♥️
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Thank you for sharing your story.
I appreciate it and your viewpoint.
I’m striving to look at my own behaviour. I’d hate to think I’d unintentionally hurt someone. I know I used to ask everyone I met where they were from originally as I live in Calgary and didn’t meet too many native Calgarians. (I’m originally from NB.)
I hope those people in the washroom that day see this and reflect on their behaviour.
You are brave for speaking up.
Sent from my iPhone
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As far as I am concerned racism is not only about black, brown or white. It is also about religion and it can show its prejudice in many different ways.
I am more of the type live and let live but will not let anybody shame me for whatever reason. Sorry you had to hear what you did.
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I am so sorry you were made to feel this way. What a ridiculous and demeaning statement. I’m a hard of hearing person and can relate the stupidity and arrogance of the average person. I cannot tell you how many times I have asked someone to repeat themselves and they’ve said the same words faster and faster until they are unintelligible. I’ve had people say, “What are you, stupid?”. Hearing poorly is my burden (and, no, hearing aids give at most 80% correction, not like glasses which can restore near-normal vision for most – my late sister was an audiologist). I am white and privileged. I am a working medical professional and paid very well for my hard earned skills.
My pharmacy class was 125 students. 10 of whom were white, 4 of whom were black. The male to female ratio was 1:9.5. I felt at first very isolated as I had graduated from a State college and everyone else seemed to have graduated from a UC and seemed to know each other. It was a very odd experience. My first experience of being a minority? I don’t know. We all had the same goals. Most of us were women.
No one should be humiliated like this, but I understand your internalizing the ‘shame’. How much I resent always being on the outside of conversations that take place right in front of me; that I can hear but not understand. How quickly the ‘s**t-eating grin’ leaps to my face and I laugh and smile wtih no idea of the joke.
No one has ever poked fun at my skin or asked me where I’m from. No one has ever said I mustn’t be from the only country I know. This is cruel and hateful and manifestly ignorant.
My colleagues are wonderful, raising no objection if I am forced to pass them a mumbly or heavily accented call. But they are not ignorant fools; pharmacy requiring a high degree of education.
Speaking with you at StitchesWest I was so comfortable and was hoping the the rest of the convention would go well after the Border disaster. Please don’t let those awful women deter you from putting yourself and your lovely products out there. (although I understand well the desire to shrink and hide – climbing endlessly uphill is exhausting). Your artistry deserves it’s time in the sun; your business should continue to flourish.
I feel the Friedrich Schiller quote Issac Asimov used at the beginng of the Foundation series expresses it best: “Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain”
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Thank you for this. I’m sorry you have experienced these things. Thank you for mentioning shaming people, too. I downloaded the “Me and White Supremacy” workbook. It makes me sick. Almost physically ill. Every time I read another section, it makes me ashamed to be white. I can’t help what colour I was born, any more than anyone else can. Yes, white privilege exists. Yes, I have likely benefitted from it my whole life without even being aware. I can hear the snark from some now, but I am not racist. And I speak out against anyone who perpetuates negativity against anyone who is different from themselves. Judge a person by their words and actions, and nothing else. Thank you for taking the time to write this; I truly appreciate reading your perspective on this topic.
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I am shocked and appalled. Sending you only love and hugs❤️
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agree, agree, 10 thousand time agree! Racism has no place in our communities, but neither do shaming or bullying.
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Telling the truth & holding people accountable for their racist actions & words, is neither shaming nor bullying. No one is thinking about shaming & bullying when witnessing or hearing about it being done to people of colour.
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Thank you for your message. I’m on the learning journey.
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Cause knitters are bitches yo!!!! Even to a white woman like me. Its not just you or people of color. They bitch about people not spending money, people who dont know a fingering from a sport weight, people who cant knit like them. Its just their arrogant nature. Keep being you boo and ignore the bitches. On the other hand I have witnessed huge bipoc supporters..mostly white people, who even after someone has apologized for their grievance, still shred people and there business to pieces. The bullies are out in full force and they are just as bad as those bitches at the show. Much love to you.
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Shireen! You are a such a wise woman. Reading your thoughts here has been eye opening. So much love for you friend!
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Thank you for writing this. I recently read a Facebook post from the administrators of a knitting group. They were eloquently trying to talk about racism and homophobia in the knitting/crafting community. They were attempting to make the group inclusive and welcoming to all. The vitriolic comments from members were appalling. It epitomized exactly what the administrators were trying to point out. There was everything from naive justification (we are just knitters and should only talk about knitting ) to outright hatred. It made me really uncomfortable to know the knitting community who I consider myself a member and a past time I love could be used to justify white power and privilege. Thank you for writing this and posting. You are brave and strong.
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Thank you so much for this perspective. I have been struggling a lot with my feelings on the Instagram racism outcry as well, but from the other side of the divide. I haven’t said much except for a few comments of support to bipoc people I follow. I am deeply glad that this problem has come to light. I am sorry that you internalize small acts of racism. They are not right and they need to stop. I am so happy for the many positive changes that have come from this movement so far: companies paying attention to the views of people they are supporting, the deeper understanding of the intersection of race differences and socioeconomic difference, and supports that are being put in place to help elevate marginalized knitters and designers. Good things are happening! But I have been struggling with some of the meathod of the movement. I think you are right, the necessary changes can be accomplished without women bullying women. I’m sure there will be some cases of serious racists that require stronger handling. But let’s not make people afraid to ask questions, or be confused. ❤️🐑❤️
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Oh, that’s appalling. I do hope said vendors are barred from participation next year. So sorry you experienced this and so glad you spoke up. I hope that anyone else in the washroom at the time who also heard the conversation mentioned it to one of the Stitches staff (especially if they knew who the vendors were).
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You are beautiful. They are missing the beauty in their lives.
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I’m so sorry that you experienced this. Racism. It is indeed a “thing”. The great irony is that unless your family is indigenous to an area/country, you are an immigrant, or descended from immigrants. I’m so fed up with smug people’s assumed superiority and condescension to those who are visibly different. We should treat everyone with respect and kindness. We are all human. And some of us knit (which as we all know, is a superior trait 😉).
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I am so glad you weighed in on this topic. These conversations need to happen more often. I am learning more about my inherent white privilege every day. I always try to speak up and would like to believe that I would call out women like those you overheard. I would not knowingly buy from racists. I like you because you are Canadian, own dogs and have yarn! xo
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Rubbish.
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Thank you so much for sharing. It is not fair for anyone to bear that type of brutality by themselves.
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Shireen,
Thank you so much for sharing your story and pain. I’m sorry that you had to deal with such ugliness. As a shop owner I have been trying to find the words to share with my customers that will help them understand this conversation of racism in the fiber industry. You’re words are eloquent and your examples of internalized oppression hit home, as some of my family and close friends have had to deal with those very things. As a white woman of privilege it is my responsibility to help take up this fight and to be mindful of the things that I say and do (or fail to say or do) and keep trying to do better. It is also important that I take this stand with my customers to ensure that my shop is a safe place for everyone. Thank you again for being willing to share.
Nancy L. Currie
KnitWorks Yarn Company
909-748-5656
________________________________
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Thank you.
For years I have wanted to be a part of positive change, knowing that I am a white woman of privilege. But not having experienced racism myself I had no idea where to even start, besides being as nice as I can to everyone I meet. This discussion in the knitting world has opened my mind to the difference between diversity and inclusion, and that inclusion is really what we need in our world, and that I can help by lifting people up. It is uncomfortable to see my own shortcomings, but there is no way to change unless I can see where I fall short. I appreciate that you don’t want to just shame those of us who were previously ignorant, whether unintentionally or not. I’m so sorry you have experienced pain because of the color of your skin. It makes me sad that people can be so cruel. I want to be part of eradicating racism in our community.
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My written English is not good enough for me to share my thoughts and feelings but i understood all you said. Wonderful. Thank you very much.
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I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. I wish we knew who they were so that we could all boycott them. For what it’s worth, we had a great show in large part thanks to amazing BIPOC new and return customers! I’m gonna guess that these low humans you overheard are making a product that reflects their inner ugliness, and that’s why they had a bad show.
Thank you for sharing this with us, and again, I’m so sorry.
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Horrifying that this happened to you. I’m so sorry.
By being speechless I think you gave her exactly the right response: you gave her nothing she could fight against or blame on you, only her own guilt hanging right there openly in the air.
There was a vendor at Stitches West this past weekend whose behavior towards her husband Saturday afternoon was terrible, and I nearly called her out and told her she was keeping people away from their booth by her demeanor. Had I known what happened (later?) in that restroom I absolutely would have. I felt like I’d suddenly witnessed how she treats him in private in a public place, on a bad day if not in general (who could know), and my suddenly wide eyes caught hers and she knew she was busted. Like you, I said nothing–but she knew I’d seen that.
I wish I’d said something.
If the woman you saw was quite short, I’m guessing we’re talking about the same person. If you want a name, let me know.
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I am glad that Benjamin brought this to all of our attention. I have to admit that my jaw hit the floor and my teeth have not quite met, since. The first time that I saw a guy flying a battle flag from his truck, up here in the foothills, I was livid. I was livid until a friend told me that she would rather have someone like that show us who is really is. Well, I, for one, as a white old lady vendor, will tell you that I don’t put up with that kind of thing, if I hear it. I told my husband that being in Santa Clara made me feel more safe, being around all sorts of cultures, than being surrounded by people who happen to look like me on the outside. Thank you for speaking up. Really, I mean it. This stuff breaks my heart and those women deserve to have their business go down, because they are jerks.
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Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m really sad that someone said this. I love vending at Stitches West and had a great show. It’s always a great time for me. I hope these vendors learn that this type of behavior is not ok. Our yarn community is so diverse, and I hope it continues to be so.
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I am so sorry you had to experience this at SW. Thank you for sharing. I have experienced a hate crime because of political differences in my small town. I awoke one morning to all my trees in my yard cut down and my lawn and shrubs poisoned. Even with the support of others, it hurts. No one should ever feel the way you did.
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I understand where you are coming from in your latest blog. Horrified at what you overheard at Stitches, shocked because I’ve never overheard such blatant hate even in passing.
I’m completely disturbed at the freight train social justice assault on knitters right now, 99% are not complicit in any talk or actions but are receiving the brunt of the steamroller bullying.
It’s mind numbing that if you are white and the correct words are not used, in the correct way, the persecution continues until the writer is plowed into pieces.
It upset me so much that I unfollowed all 200 knitwear designers and indie yarn dyers from my instagram account. I am not on Facebook. I removed myself from all Ravelry discussion groups. I now follow family, friends and dogs – and much happier for it. I did continue to following you because I’m really interested in your artwork when it becomes available.
When I saw your post it all came crashing back around me again, so regretfully I unfollowed you as well. Not personal. What’s happening is not a conversation it’s a bullwhip being indiscriminately applied and I just couldn’t. Who alive today has not faced humiliation? Is one’s humiliation really worse than another’s? I’m crying buckets just writing this.
I still receive your emails, and just received my first lovely skein of yarn and anticipating another shipment. You are incredibly talented.
As a Christian, I believe and live out the command to ‘love one another’ and ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’
If only that was the message….
Sent from my iPhone
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My mom always said to say nothing is better than saying something all wrong. Unfortunately I’m one that doesn’t want to offend or have taken her words to strictly. At 65 I’m learning to say something because it is better than being passive. Thank you for your beautiful words.
Glad I found you.
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Thank you for sharing.
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You’re post hits the bullseye for me on so many things. Well written. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you for your thoughtful post. Despite the pain of hearing such words you rose above it to encourage honest communication and sharing without the bullying being done by others. I for one appreciate that more than you know.
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I have followed your blog for a long time, always in awe of your amazing skills and talents. Your photography, jewelry, knitting and yarn are so far beyond my basic skills, and your obvious joy in your relationships, your sweet dogs, your marriage–all have been inspirations. I was curious about your ethnic background, but only because it enriches who you are and makes you that much more interesting. Please don’t let the trolls get to you. Keep being the beautiful, talented, amazing woman you are. I have missed your posts and hope you are well.
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This issue has been one that I’ve found confusing. Our natural state as individual human beings automatically makes us think of the people around us as “other” and this is not really a bad thing. Yes, I’m white but I’m an overweight, non-conformist and my entire life and I can definitely say that there are those who will always pick on those who are “other”. I haven’t said anything thus far in the great conversation about racism in the knitting community however perhaps it is time I did. It does exist and this saddens me greatly. This concept of “otherness” is something that I’ve always embraced. We all come from different backgrounds, different skin colours, different cultural identities, different bodies, abilities, socio-economic group and perceptions of the world which I truly don’t think this is a bad thing. We can all learn and be inspired by everyone around us. Encountering new ideas and embracing them with an open heart is what a full life is all about. I totally understand your knee-jerk reaction to those horrible remarks. Sometimes it’s the only coping mechanism we have at the time. Kudos to you for coming forward and talking about this. It must have taken quite a lot of bravery. Those who make these unkind and frankly ignorant remarks are generally blind to their awfulness. It is pretty telling that the organizers indicated that they had an good idea who the perpetrators were. I’d say that it is likely that many who would have otherwise shopped at their booth picked up on their attitudes and acted accordingly. We are each and every one of us unique and talented in our own way. It’s what we do with our talents that help to build who we are. You have a unique perspective of colour and are extremely talented in pulling colourways and dying techiniques which are truly inspiring. Thank you for your post.
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Reblogged this on and commented:
A very thoughtful blog post about racism in the fibre community – please take some time to read and support BAME/BIPOC makers if you can.
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Oh my god, Shireen! It’s really terrible, I can’t believe anyone would say something like that. Wether it’s overt or subtle, racism is still very much there, and we definitely need to step up our game as a society. I understand your discomfort in that specific situation, and I support you all the way. We need to learn to call out people who make comments like that, instead of awkwardly avoid or ignore them. They need to be educated, and learn that it’s not ok. My heart goes out to you girl ❤️
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Shireen, I understand your discomfort overhearing this, but you are not at fault. I’m sorry that this ignorant woman’s comments tried to ruin your experience at Stitches. Being a black, Canadian woman from Montreal, I would have hurt her feelings, beyond recognition, in three languages. I am not a women who believes that being nice about this is going to change it. Racism isn’t nice & understanding, or accommodating. Neither were this woman’s words or beliefs. The fact that the women who was with her didn’t say something to her about her comments, proves that there are still too many people drinking from this particular poisoned well. I am a BIG believer in outing people’s RACIST B.S. It is NOT our job to take these people gently into that good night. Enough already…
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Hi Shireen,
Thank you so much for speaking up! And for sharing your story. We were vendors at Stitches West and we want to say that we are really happy you were there as well as other POC. We want Stitches West to be diverse and inclusive. We hope you come back. – Kristine and Adrienne
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I am very sorry you had to experience this. The people who said such things should be ashamed of themselves and they should not be permitted to participate in any future Stitches West or any other fiber convention for that matter. There’s no ambiguity to the language they used, it is an unequivocal epithet, and it is clear it was meant to be understood in the context of race. It’s abhorrent.
I will be writing to the Stitches West team to them know that we are all expecting them to do the work to uphold a safe and respectful environment for everyone from now on, henceforth. And I will be looking for an equity and inclusion statement in all future conventions’ outgoing literature. These are events that are open to the public. The vendors that serve this public must be held to a minimum standard of equity and inclusion too.
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Oh, Shireen. Thank you so much for this. The image of your father greeting his colleagues will stay with me. And you’ve helped me understand something about how I’ve been feeling during this grueling conversation. Sending love.
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Their loss of sales were due to the negative vibes and looks they were giving out! With this ugly mindset the body couldn’t help but display it. And you don’t have to say anything because your actions speaks much louder than words. And when I get that feeling in a store I don’t spend my money. I trust my gut feelings on how a person makes me feel.
I admire those who acknowledge there is racism and are taking active steps to improve Human relationships.
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Shireen, I understand your discomfort overhearing this, but you are not at fault. I’m sorry that this ignorant woman’s comments tried to ruin your experience at Stitches. Being a black, Canadian woman from Montreal, I would have hurt her feelings, beyond recognition, in three languages. I am not a women who believes that being nice about this is going to change this. Racism isn’t nice & understanding, or accommodating. Neither were this woman’s words or beliefs. The fact that the woman who was with her didn’t say something to her about her comments, proves that there are still too many people drinking from this particular poisoned well. I am a BIG believer in outing people’s RACIST B.S. It is NOT our job to take these people ‘gently into that good night’. Enough already…
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I am still always shocked and heartbroken (Although not surprised) to witness or hear about these violent acts of hate. Thank you for your courage in sharing both what happened at stitches and your personal internal thoughts and process .
I simply and strongly stand with you.
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You know who was doing good business (as far as I could tell from my own eyes and reporting on Instagram), the businesses owned by BIPOC. I was there and I made sure this year to support my fellow Latinas and BIPOC (too few in my opinion). I spend a lot of money on yarn and I do my research on the companies. When all this talk of racism came about I noted who made statements,and who didn’t. It’s important for me to shop with those who made statements-those who didn’t or were taken aback by all the talk- well they no longer get my business.
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I am so very sorry to hear of your experience, past and present. I recently moved 2 hours north of the city. A beautiful place, but different from Toronto, and Mississauga where I grew up, and worked most of my life as an RN. I miss the diversity of my home, my close friends and work environment. It’s getting more diverse with residents and tourists here, which I’m very happy about, but I’m appalled at the back lash and disdain here of the people not ok with it. It’s not just about colour, but culture too. Not to diminish in any way your experiences, but I’m sad to admit I feel uncomfortable mentioning I’m Canadian Italian!. I know that’s my problem, just that I never felt that way before and in my mind I multiply the feeling x a 1000, and begin to imagine the way so many people feel when these events happen to them and I want to punch someone, guess that’s why I knit! Like the T shirt says, lol. I’m going to start speaking up, because my horrified bitch face isn’t registering to people spewing this hate. I’ll maybe make a few less friends, and educate others about how really cool this is gonna be. BTW, you’re a talented mofo girl, your yarn and pottery, jewellery I’ve seen on Instagram is gorgeous! ox Mary
#educate #changeisgood
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I haven’t read all the comments here, so my apologies if I may be repeating what others have already said.
Full disclosure: I am white, not a person of colour (and from the way I spell the word ‘colour’, you can tell that I’m Canadian). I’m an obsessed knitter, follow many of the knitting sites on Instagram, and have been reading some of the discussions on racism and lack of inclusion in the knitting community. My initial reaction was “Say, what?! What does this have to do with knitting?”. It then turned to “Wow, why and how is this happening, I had no idea” (the feelings of exclusion, not the actual posts). We all just want to create, to knit things, play with yarn, and frolic in a craft we’ve all come to love so much, I said to myself – why would anyone be excluded from that?! What does creativity have to do with one’s colour? It upset me, and continues to upset me, that anyone would feel they haven’t been, or are still not, welcome into the wider creative community. But then, I found myself reading posts that took a darker turn. Ones that were nasty and aggressively chastised all of us ‘white folks’ for being racists. Ones that berated others for remaining silent on the subject in their Instagram posts. Then I was mad, but for a different reason. “You don’t know me, you don’t know what I think, how I feel, or how I live my life!”, I wanted to scream. “Just because I was born white, doesn’t make me a racist!” I thought about it, but decided against posting my feelings on this at the time, because I thought it might inflame, and not calm, which is not what I wanted. But to be honest, I felt bullied, both for myself and for everyone out there regardless of their colour, who do not dwell in the land from which your bathroom encounter lady clearly lives. Berating others and bullying have no place here. Teach by example, and we will all learn.
So I thank and commend you for your post – it is one of the most sensitive and thoughtful essays on this subject I have read in months. Thank you!
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Shireen – thank you for posting this. The only way things will change is if we continue to have concrete examples of overt and covert racism. I am sorry that you had to be witness to it first-hand, but it looks like some good action will come out of it. I wish I knew who the culprit was so I could make sure I never support her company!
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It’s good that you went into your database to think of the micro-aggressions you’ve experienced. It’s a fine balance to maintain radar for this kind of thing so you’re not blindsided while also maintaining objectivity. I’ve also learned that I’m not giving a free pass to spare a deliberately offending person from discomfort. In my view, it’s not shaming if I call out the offending person. It needs to be done. I’ve lived with this stuff on a daily basis and it can be like death from a thousand cuts if you don’t have a strong sense of yourself. Good for you for reporting that bit of ignorance.
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Appreciate you sharing! Similar experiences should also use this platform to dilute the divisive societal beliefs of so called preferred race!? I understand fully now as a grown up having fled a small village in the Philippines to USA where I was eventually adopted, it is HOW we react to this seemingly subservient distinction that becomes key to educating those openminded. Sadly, with the current divisive media and projected stagnation of the freedom of individuality, openminded numbers are dwindling.. Change is coming, I’m hopeful!
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Reblogged this on Racism and Police Brutality.
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[…] Shireen reflects on a racist conversation she overheard in the ladies room at a knitting event. […]
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Thank you for posting this. I’m learning how to be an ally, and I appreciate your presence in the community. <3
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